I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need to stop coming to work sober
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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