im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
