FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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