You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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