She said her name was "party"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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