i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
