I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
