mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
