Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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