elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
