This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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