So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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