your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
