yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
