um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
