I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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