MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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