I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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