We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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