Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
