I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim