He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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