taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.