i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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