All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
