you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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