Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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