I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I could fuck to npr.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.