taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
