I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick