my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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