This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
