Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
