Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
