Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
