kristin has been a bad kristin
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
