I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
