So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
