He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
