I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
