I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
