In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
