he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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