May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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