i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
