He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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