Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
