He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
