I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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