Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My bed smells like the plague
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
