This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
