you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You were trust falling into bushes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
