Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
