omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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