Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
