I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize