Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
