DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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