her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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