I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
