How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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