i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
