I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
