birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
