if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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