I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
