you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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