My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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