As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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