dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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