i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
