If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize