I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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