I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
