I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
