i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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