Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
