I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
