Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Randomize
