Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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