I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
