What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
