Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
