based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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