In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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