He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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