i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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