Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
