Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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