Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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